mgmtsnails asked: Your comments and thoughts are hilarious xD keep posting more!
Thank you so much! I plan on posting more soon.
Train Watching
Rob Delaney: Don't Say Nigger
Martin Luther King Day was yesterday. Great day for a great man. In addition to having a moral core that was so powerful it was probably hot to the touch, he was also a genius. His speeches and writing reveal a mind that was firing on cylinders in that alleged 90% to which the rest of us don’t…
The other day at work, I was showing the customers a real ostrich egg. Then this happened.
Me: “Hi kids, want to see a real ostrich egg?”
Kid: “Ooh, why is there a hole in it?”
Me: “The keepers drilled a hole to get to yolk out, so it doesn’t become rotten. It has a yolk just like a chicken egg you eat for breakfast. We don’t have any boy ostrich so we know there wasn’t a chick inside, only a yolk.”
(The mother of the kid chimes in.)
Mother: “The boys lay the eggs with the chicks inside?”
Me: “No, we only have females so there is no chick, only yolk. It’s like when chicken lay eggs we eat.”
Mother: “Right, so only the males lay eggs with chicks inside?”
Me: “No, males don’t lay eggs at all. It takes a boy and a girl to make a chick. Like to make a baby, the boy has to fertilize the eggs?”
Mother: “Ooh!”
Ugh I was being sarcastic about the amish having tumblrs, guys.
Now I don’t consider myself an Amish aficionado, but I have learned a thing or two about them seeing as THEY FUCKING LOVE THE ZOO…. Number one: They will take over the world, but that isn’t important to this story. And number two: They all wear really nice shoes. Seriously, when I see a group of Amish people, the first thing I do is judge them on their shoes. And I don’t mean they have nice shoes that they made or anything, they wear nice brands. The most popular brands the Amish like to rock are Pumas and Nikes. Now I am pretty sure Amish are the ones that don’t use zippers because they consider them a “Modern Convenience.” So you can wear two hundred dollar shoes, but NO ZIPPERS ALLOWED!!!!! This makes no sense to me. Is there anyone out there, maybe an Amish person with a tumblr, who can explain this to me?
I love watching people eat, but not in a weird fetish way. I love watching them, because I like to judge them on their choices. Such as the other day at work, when I watched a family share a meal of Flaming Hot Cheetos, queso dip, and grape drank. Do parents ever wonder why their child is fat? ITS BECAUSE OF THE SHIT YOU FEED THEM, DAMN IT! But then there are the people that eat gross shit and inspire me to try it! I really don’t know why I try these things, well actually it is because I love food, because the combinations alway end up being sick. I swear to God there is a cult of people that frequent the zoo and LOVE to eat Flaming Hot Cheetos on bagels and cream cheese. Now the first time I saw it, I was grossed out, but by the fifth time, I decided I need to try it because all these other cult members seemed to love it. It was awful. I love people and their weird choices.
dementedchick asked: :o i'm jealous as hell i LOVE animals I would do anything to work at a zoo
Ah yes, the animals are the best part of my job. Probably the only good thing other than the cash. The best part is that since I spend so much time there, I get to see the animals do things that the public don’t usually see.
One thing I hate about my job is when old dudes decided to film me when I’m on the train. I mean I understand when there is nothing better to see, but for 15 FUCKING minutes? That’s ridiculous and weird. The pervs that do it always think they’re being sneaky and shit, but sir, you’re ten feet away from me. I’M NOT BLIND!! I honestly wonder what they do with the videos….. Alright, its probably better I don’t know what they do with the videos. Its not like I work at hooters and I’m wearing some skimpy outfit; I work at a fucking zoo for GODS SAKE!! Maybe they have an oversized work shirt and khaki’s fetish….
One day at work, I was cleaning the train tracks at the end of the day and found a dirty diaper someone had thrown from the train. This is not only disgusting, but confusing as hell. WHY in the WORLD did someone throw a diaper from the train? This means either they had been carrying a diaper around with them all day then decided that this was the perfect time to throw it out because I mean a train is the logical place, right? Or that mid train ride the family decided “Oh this is just a swell time to change our baby’s shit filled diaper.” If the latter is the case, HOW did no one, NO ONE, else notice? There is like fifty people on this ride, and yet this happened? I just don’t understand people sometimes….
Welcome!
Well hello there. I am a college student working multiple jobs to pay for school. One of my jobs includes working at a zoo. I spend my days people watching, but really more like train watching. This is a place for me to share with the world the awful things I see.
